“That’s how the story ends baby girl, it’s time for you to go to bed now” I said tucking Zari only for her to untuck herself
“Wait daddy” she said
“What the matter?” I asked her
“You were mean to mommy, that wasn’t very nice of you” I couldn’t help but laugh at the look of disappointment on my 4 year-Old’s face “I’m sorry Za-Za” I said
“Don’t say sorry to me, you gotta say it to mommy” she said
“I did say sorry to your mommy” lord knows I apologized to that woman “Weren’t you listening to the story?” I asked her
“Uh huh” she said shaking her head repeatedly
I realized then she was just didn’t want to go to bed and neither me nor her mother was having it.
“You gotta go to be bed now; I’ll see you in the morning ok?” I assured her
“Promise?” she asked
“Promise, now gimme kiss” she wrapped her small arms around my neck and gave me a kiss “Good night daddy” she said in a sleepy voice falling back down on her pillow
“Goodnight baby” I pulled her blanket over her and gave her one more kiss on her forehead before I left her room
I slightly closed her door and went one room over. I opened the door, quietly slipped inside and walked over to Vanna’s crib.
I stood over her crib and watched her chest rise and fall for a few moments before placing a kiss on her one of her chubby cheeks.
I wished that she could stay like this forever because I know when she hit Za-Za’s age it’s about to be hell.
I’m living in a house full of girls. I already know when Vanna gets older she gon’ be running game on me just like her mama and sister. I need a son to balance out all these emotions in the house.
I grabbed the baby monitor turned it on and headed to my room.
“Baby!” I said loudly as I closed our room door behind me
She kissed her teeth “I’m right here Cash all that hollering ain’t necessary boo” she said never looking up from her magazine
She stays with that damn attitude.
I rolled my eyes then slipped into bed next to her and laid my head on her arm “So baby I was thinking” I said looking up at her
She finally looked up from the magazine she was reading and stared down at me her green eyes sparkling from the lamp “About what?” she asked
“Okay so we got two girls right? And I’m just wondering-“
“No” she said cutting me off
“Man Scar you don’t even know what I’m finna say” I said
“Yes I do, you’re going to say ‘all these damn girls, where my son at’” she said in a mocking voice
I chuckled “I’m just saying babe, can a nigga get a son please?” I ran my hands up and down her exposed thigh causing goose bumps to appear
She sighed “Ok say let’s say we do try for this son, what’s gonna if I end up giving you another daughter, what’s going to happen then?” she asked
If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.
“We just gonna try until we get that boy” I said smiling
She kissed her teeth “Boy bye, I think you failed to realize I just had a baby less than 6 months ago” she said
“Ok and your point is…?” I asked
She pushed me off of her making me erupt into laughter “Alright baby I’m just playing” I said once I regained my composure “We can wait until you’re ready to pop out another one” I said laying back on her
She was the one who said she wanted three kids; I’m just hoping this last one is a boy.
“Thank you” she said “What story did you tell Zari?” she asked
“Ours” I said watching as a confused look made its way into her face
“Ours?” she asked
“Yup, she wasn’t tryna hear none of the ones that she had on her shelf so me being the creative nigga I am I was going to make a story for the kid but then it somehow became our story without all of the sex and filth that comes out of your mouth” I said
She rolled her eyes “Shut the hell up Cash because you know you curse way more than I do” she said
“Lies.com” I said making her laugh
“Did she like it?” she asked while tracing my jawline
“Yea, she said I was mean to you though. Talking ‘bout some I gotta apologize to you, she got some nerve” I said kissing my teeth
Zari forever on Scar side not once during this story was she rutting for me.
“But you were mean as hell, you were an asshole you still are!” she said
I waved her off; I know I wasn’t that bad “I’m not an asshole” I said
She gasped “Lies.com” she said in a joking tone
“Whatever” I said
“But you’re my asshole baby and I love you” she said placing a kiss on my lips
“Yea, yea love you too” I said
Six years together, we’ve been married for three, we have two daughters together and we’re still happy. That’s what happens when you marry your best friend.
I don’t feel trapped in our relationship; I wake-up every day even more in love with Scar because I know no one can hold a candle to my wife. I always say she’s the closest thing to perfection and I’m going to keep saying it till the day I die.
Don’t get me wrong now, we have our moments but we get through them. We have no choice because we’re married with kids now so we can’t just up and leave or just ignore each other.
Plus what is there to argue about nowadays; who’s turn it is to check on Vanna? It’s never that deep with us anymore, we’re just simply happy.
“Honey I’m home” I called out through my apartment waiting for Tee to answer but she never did
I rolled my eyes, slipped out of my boots and put my bag down then headed towards her room. I walked further into the room and saw her sleeping with papers scattered all around her.
I could have left her sleeping but that’s just not the person I am.
I crawled onto the bed and lightly flicked her nose causing her eyes to pop open. She glared at me and I smiled brightly at her.
“Can’t you be normal?” she asked stretching and sitting up
I flopped down beside her “I can but I choose not to” I said
She rolled her eyes and pulled her glasses down on her face “Did you go to work already? Because it’s barely twelve and I know Uncle Kirk didn’t let you leave early?” she said looking down at her papers
“He actually gave me the day off” I said
She rolling her eyes “Your dad pays you to read magazines and text on your phone all day” she said
“That’s not true” I protested “I answer calls, I make appointments and I make coffee” I said defending myself
I basically did the same this I was doing when I worked for Cash, now when I worked for him I basically get paid for doing nothing.
Unlike here I actually had fun working at the tattoo shop, in my daddy’s office I’m surrounded by middle aged men.
“Ok Cari whatever you say” she said looking at me “You think I ain’t notice that you ain’t come home last night?” she asked playfully
I giggled “I was with my best friend” I said
“Who Mikey?” she asked saying his name in a mocking tone
I rolled my eyes “Yes Mikey is there a problem?” I asked
“You know what I’m starting to think that you were with him instead of his brother” she said
I frowned “You know he’s been my best friend since grade school plus I don’t think neither of us would cross that line; matter of fact I know for sure we wouldn’t” I said
What’s sad is she’s not the only person that thinks me and Ty either dated before or are currently in a relationship with each other. That couldn’t have been the furthest thing from the truth
Ty and I not only have respect for each other but for the people around us. I just got out of a year-long relationship with his brother and he dated my dead best friend for years plus he has a girlfriend. That would just be mad grimey on both of our parts.
“I’m just saying gosh” she said “Anyways it’s early as hell, what are you gonna do today?” she asked
“Hold that thought” I said retrieving my vibrating cell phone from pocket “Hi Kira boo” I sung into the phone
“Don’t Kira boo me” she grumbled
I frowned “Why you mad at Cari?” I asked in a baby voice
“Cause when she dropped her nigga she dropped everybody else along with him but you still fuck with his bother though” I could she was rolling her eyes by the tone of her voice
That’s not entirely true. Kira and Mijo are around Cash more than anybody else. Although Ty’s his brother they see each other every other week, they talk on the phone more than they see each other.
I just don’t want to run into him because I know if I do I’m going to break because lord knows I miss him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I just needed to get my head together and Ty was the only person that can help me do that” I said
“You know you ain’t shit Scar, I’m pregnant and emotional, you shouldn’t do that to me” she said
I giggled “Ok babes it won’t happen ever again I promise” I said
She kissed her teeth “To make it up to me you should come meet me for lunch” she said
“I can do that” I said
“Cool, do you want me to come pick you up-“
“Oh no it’s okay I have a car now” I said
“Well excuse me madam I didn’t know” she said
“Well now you do, I’ll see you soon” I said hanging up the phone “I guess I’m going out for lunch with my best friend” I said to Tee
* * *
Going into this lunch I didn’t know what to expect. I know Kira forgave me and what not but Kira is unpredictable especially because her ass is pregnant anything could go down.
I parked the car that my daddy bought for me in the semi-packed parking lot of the little restaurant that I was meeting Kira.
In the course of the last two months he has bought me a car, hooked me up with an apartment which I share with my cousin Tee and gave me a job at his office.
I know he’s doing it out guilt from his actions and how they affected me. No matter how much I tell him he doesn’t have to do all of this for me he just refuses to take no for an answer.
I whipped my car into a parking space and got out; immediately the harsh winds hit me in my face making me pull my scarf closer to my face.
I quickly crossed the street and entered the restaurant. I looked around and spotted Kira but she wasn’t alone.
I didn’t really recognize who the person was because they had their face buried in their phone.
The more I approached the table the better I was able to see the person’s face.
I looked at Kira in confusion “Um Kira, what the hell is going on here?” I asked pointing at Moni
Moni finally put her phone down and looked at me “Scar just sit down please” Moni said she said breaking her silence
I wanted to say the fuck you and leave up out of this restaurant just as quickly as I came in but there was something in her eyes that wouldn’t let me.
I sighed and sat down across from them. I glared at Kira and she shot me an apologetic look.
“Let’s make this short and sweet” she said
“Why am I even here?” the attitude was evident in my voice
She blinked and blew air out of her mouth. I guess she was trying to keep herself calm or something “Look, I know you don’t like me and all but for the next ten minutes can you manage to keep that attitude out of your voice” she said
I fought to roll my eyes “What is it that you need to tell me?” I asked tightly
“It’s about Cash you have to talk to the kid” I was about to say something but she stopped me “And before you say no let me attempt to justify his actions” she then proceeded to tell me about her condition, the miscarriage and how Cash reacted
Both Kira and me had shocked looks on our faces when she was finished.
“Are you okay?” I found myself asking her
She smiled “I’m fine now” she said “I never intended to come here and mess up what you two had, I may be a lot a things but a home wrecker is one thing I can say I’m not” she said
“And you thought he cheated, shame on you” Kira said
I smiled at her “Girl keep quiet” I said “I don’t understand why he couldn’t just tell me thought, if I had known this I would have never broken up with him” I asked
“That’s just the way he is, no matter how close he is to you he won’t tell you what’s bothering him” Moni said
I wanted to talk to Cash and I wanted to talk to him now.
“And you’re done” I said to the blonde woman who I just finished inking up
She got and looked at it in the big mirror “Oh they’re so pretty, thank you” she said eyeing the pink ribbons I put on each of her shoulders
They were the typical first tattoo for her girls like her.
I lightly smile at her “You’re welcome” I said before looking at the clock and sighing “When you go to the front desk they’ll tell you how to take care of them” I said pulling off my gloves and tossing them in the trash
I then quickly wrote up her receipt and handed it to her.
She nodded “Thank you again” she said
“No problem” I said watching her walk out of my office
One customer down countless more to go.
I had a full schedule today; there ain’t no telling what time I’ll be getting home tonight. Even though I know I had a lot of customers today I still came to work late.
A knock came at the door “Come in” I said thinking it was my next customer but it wasn’t
“Hey Cash can you squeeze in a walk-in like right now?” Lucy asked sticking her head through the door
I shook my head “Naw, I can’t take anybody else right now send them to somebody else” I said
“Alright” she said closing the door
I don’t know why she even had to ask if I was taking anybody else.
Less than a minute later Lucy came back “She doesn’t want to see anybody but you” she said
I rolled my eyes “Who problem is that?” I asked “I got other people who been waiting here for mad long to get they shit done so she either can see someone else or take her ass somewhere else” I said
“You’re so damn mean, you know that?” she asked
I shrugged “Yea I know now go tell shorty what I said” I said
She sighed “I ain’t gonna keep doing this back and forth shit” she mumbled walking out
“Send in the next customer while you out there!” I yelled after her
I started to set up my station for the next customer when I heard someone come in. I turned around and saw Lucy standing there with her hands on her hips.
She sighed “She’s not leaving until she sees you right now, she looks like she’s ready to turn shit up” she said
I kissed my teeth “You got to be fucking kidding me” I grumbled
“Nope, now come do something about this girl” she said
“What the hell do you want me to?” I asked
“I don’t know but you better do something” she said leaving
I rolled my eyes and followed behind her “Where she at?” I asked Lucy when I got to the front of the shop
She nodded in the girl’s direction “Right there” she pointed at her with a smile
The annoyed look that I initially had on my face changed to a shocked one.
“I’m mad it took three times for you to actually come out” Scar said
“I-I didn’t know it was you” I stuttered slightly
She gave me a small smile “Well now you do” she said
I eyes admired her from head to toe. Damn my baby was looking real good; she looked happy too and that made me wonder, why was she here? Was it to rub in my face how happy she was?
“What are you doing here?” I didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh but shit ain’t no taking it back now
Her smile vanished from her face quickly “Why else would I be here, I want to get a tattoo but I guess you can’t squeeze me in so-“
My mouth started to work faster than my brain “Oh naw I could squeeze you in right now it ain’t no problem” I totally disregarded the five customers that I had sitting in the waiting area
“I’m not trying to break up you twos little reunion or anything but Cash you do still have customers waiting for you” Lucy said
“Give them to someone else and whoever is left over when I’m done with her I’ll take them” I said without taking my eyes off of Scar
Lucy rolled her eyes “Whatever you say boss” she said walking away from me
“C’mon” I said putting my hand on the small of Scar’s back and guided her towards my office
I closed the door behind us and watched as she took her coat off “You really didn’t have to give away your customers for me, I know how much you hate doing that” she said laying her coat over my chair
“It’s cool” I assured her
She smiled as she pulled her hair into a high bun. She then pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to me.
I unfolded it and read it “This is it?” I asked
“Uh huh” she nodded “Where do you want it?” I asked her
“Right here, below my shoulder” I nodded and gestured for her to sit
I pulled on a fresh pair of gloves and positioned myself in front of her. I wiped the spot I was about tattoo with an alcohol pad and began to concentrate on my work.
“I talked to Moni” she said ten minutes into the session
I sighed I really didn’t want to hear about them talking to or being around each other because both of their attitudes just don’t mix.
“What happened?” I asked her
“She told me about everything, why didn’t you just tell me?” I felt her eyes burning a whole into the side of my face
I shrugged “I don’t know” I said
I know my answer bothered her because she didn’t say anything to me after that.
“Do you still have the tattoo I gave you?” I randomly asked her
“You gave me a lot of tattoos Cash” I rolled my eyes “You know which one I’m talking about Scar” I said
“Where was it supposed to go?” she asked
I’m not even going to front though; I missed her smart ass mouth.
“I thought after everything you would have probably got it lasered off or something” I mumbled
“No, I told you I wouldn’t do it, I’m noy gonna go back on that” she said
You also said that it was you and me forever and look how much that held up.
I didn’t say anything after that; I just concentrated on finishing her tattoo.
It took me another thirty minutes to actually finish it.
I looked at my finished work and read the tattoo out loud “Let it be beautiful” I said “Let what be beautiful? What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked
“I just want everything in my life to be beautiful” she said “My past, my future, us” she said
At first I didn’t pick up on the last part but then I realized what she had just said “Us? What do you mean us?” I asked
“I mean I miss us, it’s so hard living without you. I’m wanted to let the past be the past and live a happy life but I realized I can’t do that without you in it” she gently cupped my face “I gave up on you too quick and I’m sorry” she said
“You ain’t got nothing to be sorry about Scar, I should have told you about the shit that was bothering me instead of shutting you out” I said
“Yea, you should of but that’s the past now, can we just go back to being happy like we were?” she asked
I smiled at her “Yeah, we can do that” a big smile formed on her face and she damn near leaped in my lap “Under one condition” I said making her smile fall
“What?” she asked
“You can’t leave again” I said
I was confused as shit, I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused in my life. After Scar walked out of my office, I had to get out of there myself.
My mind was going a mile a minute and I didn’t know what to do or what to think; I was literally just stuck in my life right now.
The last place I wanted to be was home so I came to my mom’s house thinking I could try and figure things out but that was short lived.
I didn’t hear when my mom’s car pulled up but I did here her keys jungle outside of the door.
She unlocked the door and saw me sitting on her couch. She sent a smile my way “Hey baby, I see you finally put that key I gave you to use” she said mumbling something afterwards
I nodded “Hi mama” I mumbled
She put her bags and keys down before she came over to kiss my forehead. She cupped my face and frowned “You look like you haven’t slept in days” she said brushing her thumbs over the bags under my eyes
“You need a good night’s rest Cassius” she said “Maybe you should-“
“No” I said before she could finish her sentence
She let go of my face and threw her hands up in defense “Alright it was just a suggestion gosh” she said
I don’t know why she’s suggesting I take those pills she knows I hate the way they make me feel. Yeah they put me to sleep but they’ll also make me feel like I’m high off of my ass.
“Where’s my daughter-in-law I know you brought her with you” she said
I shook my head “I didn’t” I simply said
“And why not?” she asked putting her hands on her hips
“Because” I mumbled
“Speak up Cash, because what?” ole bipolar ass, she was all smile just a minute ago
“We’re not together no more” it was barely audible but I’m positive mama heard me by the look that was on her face right now
“What? You mind repeating that Cassius” she said placing her hands on her hips
“You heard me ma” I said with an attitude which was a big mistake
“Clearly I didn’t since I’m asking you to repeat yourself little boy” her voice went up a notch with each word she said
She was doing the most right now, I know she heard me, I didn’t come here to be drilled I came because this was the only place I thought I could find a piece of mind but I guess I was wrong.
“We’re not together anymore” I repeated loud enough for her to hear me
Just saying that left a bad taste in my mouth.
She shook her head “I knew it was going to happen eventually” she said
I looked up at her and scrunched up my face, the fuck she mean ‘she knew it was going to happen eventually’?
“Don’t look at me that way, because you knew it too” she said
“What are you talking about ma” she was giving me headache
Whenever anybody tried talking to me about this it just makes my head pound.
“You thought she was going to stay with the way you’ve been treating her?” she asked “That’s right she told me, I knew before she even left you, called me and told me she had enough of it” she said
I gave her the dirtiest look I could muster up, she came up in here like she ain’t know nothing but all along she knew of my breakup before I did.
She ignored the look I was giving her and continued to speak “I know you could be rude and unbearable at times and people around you has accepted that about you but for you to downright hurt the person you supposedly ‘love’ is low” she said
“I do love Scar ain’t no supposedly about it” I mumbled
“Then why is it so hard for you to choose?” she asked
And here’s my cue to go “I’m leaving” I said standing up
“Sit back down” she said through clenched teeth
I kissed my teeth but did as she said “Now you say you love her then why is it that you’re not fighting for her?” she asked
“I did fight her, I told her I didn’t do anything with Moni” I said
I’m tired of people assuming I did something with Moni when I really didn’t. I did a lot of wrong in our relationship but one thing I didn’t do for sure is cheat on Scar.
“Physically” she said “You may not have done anything with that girl physically but emotionally yes you did which is way worse than lying down in her bed can ever be. That girl has something over you and you’re not even trying to fight it” she said
Her saying that man me think of what Scar said earlier about Moni having a hold on me that I ain’t tryna break.
What is this hold that everybody is noticing that I ain’t?
“Mama I don’t know what else to do, I messed up and I get it, I just want things to go back to the way there” I said
“With Moni or Scar?” she asked
Her question threw me off guard for a moment “S-scar” her eyebrow shot up “You don’t sound too sure of yourself” she said
“I am” I assured her
She let out a sigh of relief “I don’t want you trying to get back with her now though Cassius” she said
I gave her a look “I know what I did was wrong, what else is there for me to prove ma?” I asked
“That you’ve changed, that you know what you want. I can see it in your eyes that you’re still confused about this whole thing Cash” she said “Just please take a break from it all baby, just to work on you and get yourself together so you and Scar and be happy again if everything goes well” she said “And as much as I want to help you do that I can’t but I know one person who can help you”
* * *
“See the thing with our stories Cash is that they’re almost identical” my dad said “Except you’re smarter than I am, you remember the story I told you about me and P right?” he said referring to Ty’s mama
I nodded and actually thought about it then I realized that our stories were similar in a way.
Mama P was his high school girlfriend that he reconnected with after he and mama got married.
“You see how my situation ended up? P is more forgiving but yo mama ain’t speak to me in almost 18 years you don’t want that to happen to you” he said
“But I was never with both of these girls at the same time dad, I was only with Scar” I said
“But you can’t seem to let go of that Moni girl” he said
“I can let Moni go though” I said
“If that was the case you wouldn’t be here talking to me right now would you? You would be with Scar so don’t sit up here and tell me you’ve let her go” he said
I wanted to defend myself but there was no use.
“You have to figure out which one of these girl you’re in love with and only then will things get better for you” he said “I didn’t know how to make that choice son because I had the same about of love for the both women I was with but you have a choice and you have to choice wisely on which woman it is that you truly love” he said
After talking with my parents I knew who I wanted to be with. Will she want to be with me is now my real problem.
“Hi baby girl” my faced scrunched up at the nerve of this man
Baby girl? He gots to be smoking some potent shit to even think he could still call me baby girl.
I rolled my eyes and turned to walk out of the kitchen. I had to leave because I was not putting myself in that kind of situation. I was stressed enough, I didn’t need this to be added on top of everything else.
Is it wrong that I wanted to kick my Nana in her fucking face? I knew she was going to do this, I just a had a feeling she was but I thought she was going to his me some time first, let me get myself together first before I had to deal with fuckery.
I walked onto the living room and let out a frustrated sigh; I wanted to punch something just to get this anger out that formed within me but it somehow melted away when my eyes landed on the sleeping baby in a car seat.
She was the same little girl I seen my mother with a few months ago. She looked so peaceful l, she had similar features as I did when I was younger. Whose child is this?
I heard footsteps stomping over to me forcing me to tear my eyes away from the little girl and quickly spun around to meet my Nana’s hard glare.
If she thought that shit intimidated me she thought wrong. “What the hell is wrong with you Scar!” she snapped at me
“What the hell is wrong with me? I’m not talking to him point blank period” I said
What’s wrong with me? She must be smoking the same shit ole dude in the kitchen was because I’m perfectly fine.
“He’s still your father!” she said
“On what fucking planet?” I asked
She glared at me but that shit don’t do what it used to do when I was younger. I’m a grown ass woman now. You tried though Nana.
“Scar” she said
“Nana” I countered
I was pushing it and I knew it but how was I supposed to feel? She went behind my back and called my parents? Did I say I wanted to see them? Nah, I don’t think I did.
“Talk to them” she said
“Why?” I asked
“Because they’re your parents and this crap isn’t going on any longer” she said through gritted teeth
I exhaled through my nose and stomped away from her, I’m only doing this because I wanted this woman out of my face.
I walked into the kitchen, crossed my arms over my chest and glared at my parents “Talk” I said
They looked at each other and my dad nodded at my mom “Scar, I so sorry baby we both are for everything you had to endure because of us” she said “I don’t know what got into us, we were worrying about other things when you should have been out main priority”
I was now looking straight at the kitchen wall as I steadily tapped my foot on the kitchen and for some reason my eyes filled up with tears.
“Tell them how you feel” Nana said behind me
I looked back at my mom before speaking “Do you know the shit I had to go through because of you two?” my voice got caught in my throat at the end of my sentence as my tears started to slide down my face “When I needed you guys the most, you weren’t here for me” Nana rubbed my back as the words left my lips
Shame filled the both of their faces, as it should. I wanted them to feel as bad as I felt over the last five years of my life.
My dad cleared his through a little before speaking “We messed up badly especially me and I didn’t think how bad my actions were going to affect you. I just hope you can forgive us for everything” he said
He was the cause of this; he was the main reason why my life was so messed up. As much as I wanted to send a big ass “fuck you” his way I couldn’t.
I wanted to move on from this, the more things that I let go in my life the better it would be.
“I forgive you both”
“My nigga can you keep a bitch?” X asked me
I rolled my eyes “Don’t call my girl a bitch” I mumbled
“Ex” he corrected
Knowing I could easily shut his life down about him and Dina’s situation, I kept my mouth shut and ignored him.
I don’t know why Mijo came over and brought this nigga with him, I didn’t want to see nobody unless their name was Scar.
“Man shut the fuck up X” Mijo said glaring at him before shifting his attention on me; he shot me a sympathetic look before speaking “Though what you did was fucked up, I’m sorry you and Scar broke up and shit and if it helps I’ll try and keep Kira from around you” he said
I just stared at him; this can’t be the same nigga that looked like he wanted to rip my head off when I let him into my crib this morning.
I nodded my head; I wasn’t even feeling talking about this right now.
“I say the nigga got what he deserved, how you gone be fucking with Moni when you with Scar?” X blurted out
My head snapped towards him; Who the fuck said I was fucking Moni? Why the fuck would I do some shit like that?
“The fuck is you talking about? I ain’t fucking Moni!” I barked
“But why are you denying it?” X asked looking at me like I was stupid “We’re the only ones in here, there’s no reason to lie to us” he said
I was ready to fuck this nigga up in a minute best friend or not “I didn’t fuck Moni” I said through gritted
“Well that’s what you girl thinks, my bad ex-girl” X said
I glared at him; it’s safe to say I’ve had enough of this nigga for one day.
“So if you didn’t fuck Moni why did Scar say you did and I doubt she’d lie about something like that” Mijo said
I sighed hard “Man I don’t know” I said
Scar know I wouldn’t cheat on her especially not with Moni so I don’t know where she would get that idea from.
“She saw the texts though bro” X said
“What texts?” I said closing my eyes and rubbing my temple, this shit was giving me the biggest headache ever
“That you and Moni sent to each other confirming that shit” Mijo said
“Shit” I mumbled under my breath
I forgot she had my phone the day she left. She read too deep into the messages that Moni and I sent to each other.
“I didn’t cheat on Scar” I said opening my eyes and looking at the two of them “Why would I cheat on her knowing she has the password to phone? That’s the dumbest shit ever especially with Moni” I said
“Why are you taking to thy girl anyways, like wasn’t she the same bitch that left you in a depression for like a year? What’s dumb is you fucking up your relationship for that broad” X said
“How about you worry about Dina not wanting yo ass and not what the fuck I be doing” I said
Low blow I know but shit I didn’t need this nigga jumping at me with this shit, everything’s been said and done and I just didn’t need him continuously telling me the same shit.
He kissed his teeth before getting up and walking off somewhere leaving me and Mijo alone “You know you fucked up for that right?” Mijo asked
I shrugged, I’ll apologize later to him later, and I know I shouldn’t have brought Dina into this.
“He made a point though, why did you fuck up your relationship with someone that helped you through a tough time for someone that put you there in the first place?” he asked
I sighed and proceeded to tell him why Moni left and everything I had been putting Scar through for the last few months.
“That’s sad and everything and I don’t want to sound like I don’t give a fuck but I don’t and honesty neither should you, you had a girl at home to worry about and her name’s not Moni. Instead of letting this shit get to you, you should have told her sorry whatever had to happen to her and keep it pushing” he said
That’s easier said than done, I couldn’t have just kept it pushing. That shit would have been on my conscience mad heavy and that’s because of the hate I had for her over the months that she left me thinking she left just to leave but in reality she was battling cancer.
“I couldn’t…” I said
“Aight you say you couldn’t, so who’s to blame now that you don’t got a girl no more? Don’t worry I’ll wait” he said
I fiddled with my fingers “I didn’t know how to ok, I was confused” I mumbled
He had an uncaring look on his face “Well you better unconfuse yourself and figure out a way to convince Scar that you didn’t fuck your ex”
I came home to quickly take a so I can switch me and Scar’s phones and leave.
This is why you and your girlfriend can’t have the same shit because you’ll find yourself in situations like this.
I’m just mad it took me so long to notice that the phone I had in pocket was hers and not mines.
I walked through the front door and let out a sigh, I really hated coming home now because I promised Scar I was going to do better but I honestly didn’t know where to start. I didn’t like facing her anymore because I just feel like I failed her and our relationship.
I walked into our bedroom because I knew that’s where she usually be at whenever I come home but to my surprise it was empty. I was about to turn and walk out of the room but for some strange reason me and Scar’s closet caught my attention.
My curiosity got the best of me and I found myself walking towards the closet, I flicked on the lights and walked inside of it. My heart beat immediately stated to speed up as my eyes scanned over her side of the closet; it was completely empty, nothing but a few hangers were left in there.
I placed my hands on the top of my head and squeezed my eyes shut. I tried not to think too extreme, maybe she didn’t leave and she just moved back into her old room. I knew her moving out of our room wasn’t good but it was way better than her moving out period.
I couldn’t lose my girl, I just couldn’t.
I blew air out and ran my hands over my face before opening my eyes. Something on the floor caught my attention and I picked up. It was a tag from a suitcase, if my heart wasn’t already beating fast enough.
She really left, without as much as a goodbye. I mean I know I’ve been fucking up in the last couple of months but she could have at least stayed and let me justify myself and my actions.
The slamming of the front door brought me out of my thoughts; you would have thought a nigga was Usain Bolt the way I dashed into the living room.
I sighed when I saw she was standing in the middle of the living room.
“Don’t come near me” she said once she her eyes fell on me
I stopped mid-stride and we had a little stare down “Why are you clothes out of the closet and what do you need a suitcase for Scar?” I asked her
She brushed her hair over her shoulder “I’m leaving” she said like it was nothing
“What you mean you leaving?” I asked
“I’m leaving” she broke down every syllable like I was stupid or some shit “Your focus isn’t on me anymore Cash, it’s obviously someplace else and I can’t compete” she said
“So what you tryna say Scar?” I asked
“I’m simply saying that I’m not competing; I can’t continue to be in a situation that I’m not happy in” she said
“Is it because of what happened over the last couple of months? Baby I swear I’ll tell you every and anything” my voice sounded mad panicky right now; this only happened one other time and I was in the same situation that I was in now
Pleading for my girl to stay with me, but this time I’m determined for things to go my way.
“I don’t want to hear it, you weren’t trying to tell me nothing while I was here and waiting for you to talk to me, now that I’m damn near out the door you want to say something?” she asked shaking her head “Naw, I’m good on that”
“What do have to do to make you stay?” I asked
“Nothing” she said “You don’t have to do or say nothing” she said putting emphasis on the last word
“You can’t just leave Scar, you bout to say fuck everything that we built together” her eyebrow shot up “Me? Saying fuck everything that we built together?” she asked almost as if she was appalled “That’s funny because It seems like that’s exactly what you’ve been doing for the last three months. You’re the one that torn down everything we built and not me, if anything I’m the one that’s been keeping this relationship from crumpling”
“I really don’t want to hear anything else from you” she said
My heart was hurting so damn bad just knowing this shit is about to happen, I felt the tears burning the back of my eyes but I wasn’t going to let them fall. I didn’t cry the first time and I’m definitely not going to cry this time.
“It was nice while it lasted. I left your key, the ring you gave me and the necklace on the table” she said turning her back on me and walking away, she stopped when she reached the doorframe “Oh and I quit”
“I want to hate him so bad but I can’t” I cried into Mijo’s neck
That was the god honest truth, every bone in my body wanted to hate Cash for everything he’s done to me in these last few months but I just can’t.
“I know Cari I know” he said rubbing my back
I promised myself on the car ride here that I wasn’t going to shed one tear over Cash but here I am bawling like a baby. How can one man cause this much damage.
“You got to pull yourself together; you know I don’t like seeing you cry” Mijo whispered in my ear
I moved from Mijo and attempted to stop crying but every time I wiped the tears from eyes new ones would appear. I sighed and just let them fall.
Kira was dangerously quiet and I was praying she wasn’t over there planning Cash’s death.
“Where the hell am I going to stay?” I mumbled to myself
“You could stay with us if you like?” Mijo offered
I shook my head “No” I said
I couldn’t stay with them; they’re in the mist of starting their family and I could not get in the middle of that.
“Fuck you mean no? You ain’t got no place to go” Mijo sad
“And you damn sure ain’t going back to Cash’s house” Kira said
I thought that in the car, what the point of really leaving him was. I was going to be homeless again and I guess being homeless outweighed being disrespected.
“I’m not going back to his house and I meant what I said, now just give me your phone and I’ll figure it out” I said Mijo
Mijo slid his phone over to me “Where’s your phone?” Mijo asked
“Cash has it” I said trying to think of someone that I could call
I wasn’t asking him for it so I had to leave without it; my only mission was to get the hell up out of there as quickly as possible.
The only reason I even waited for him to come home was because I’m not as grimey as his ex was or current girlfriend, whatever the fuck she is to him right now. I wanted him to hear from my mouth that I was leaving.
I was kind of glad that I was done with our ‘relationship’ because all it was doing was reversing me back into the Scar I used to be. He can go ahead and go back to the old Cash be but I myself isn’t doing it. I worked too damn hard to get myself into a secure place and I’m not letting him take that from me.
“I paid for that phone Scar what you mean he got it?” Mijo said
“He has it Mijo if you want it then you go get it because all I know is I’m damn sure ain’t going to get it” I said rolling my eyes
He sighed “I’ma go get it for you later, I can’t deal with all of this right now” he said before getting up and walking away.
Kira looked at me and after like forever she breaks her silence “So who are you going to call?” she asked
Honestly if the power was in my hands, I would have called my parent and as much as I said I didn’t want to I probably would have but fortunately for me I didn’t have neither of their numbers which only left one other person for me to call.
That person being my grandma, I know for a fact her number is still the same.
“My grandmother” I said
Confusion took over her face “Your grandmother?” she asked
My hands shook slightly as I typed in her number. I hesitated a little bit before tapping the call button.
It rang three times before she answered “Hello?” her sweet voice filled my ears
“H-hi Nana” I stuttered as more tears cascaded down my cheek
“Scar?” she asked in a shocked tone
“Yes it me Nana” I said
“Where have you been baby? Everyone’s been worried sick about you” she said
I nibbled on my lip before answering her “I’ve been around Nana, I’ve been around…” I said looking done at the floor
We were quiet on the phone for a few moments, I knew she was surprised to hear my voice considering the last time I’d seen her we weren’t really seeing eye to eye.
I sniffled and quickly wiped away my tears from my eyes “Can I come see you Nana?” I asked
“Oh course you can sweetheart” she said
I was attempting to peacefully watch the game when Kira stomped her way over stood her big ass in front of the TV.
“You’re not made of glass Shakira, move yo pregnant ass out the way” I said
“I know you heard me calling you nigga” she said placing her hands on her hips
I can’t believe I fucked around and got this girl pregnant, don’t get me wrong I love Kira and all but this pregnancy ain’t nothing but making her even more loud and crazy then she was before, if that’s even possible. She got a nigga ready to go insane and shit.
“I heard you, I just chose to ignore you” I said
“Instead of being nicer to me because I’m having your kid you’re being meaner” she said pouting
I sighed and paused the game because I knew she wasn’t moving anytime soon “Because you’ve only gotten crazier and I know it’s the hormones and shit but damn it’s so much a nigga can take” I said brushing my hands over
“I’m sorry” she said still pouting
My eyes went wide, Kira apologizing? That was surprising. Kira was almost as bad as Cash when it came to apologizing to people.
”It’s cool ma, come sit by me” I said patting the space by me
She smiled big and sat next me.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer “So, what was it that you wanted to tell me again?’ I asked
She gasped and removed my arm from around her “Scar” she breathe out
My eyebrow shot up “What about her Kira?” I asked
“Have you noticed anything different about her lately?” she asked
Now that she said something about it, there was something different. She was kind of reserved and kept to herself kind of like she did when she was younger.
A thought popped into my head but I quickly shook it out because I know she wouldn’t do that anymore especially because she promised everyone that knew about it that she wouldn’t anymore.
“She’s kinda quieter than she usually is” I said to her
She nodded “Have you noticed anything else?” she asked
II thought back to the last time I saw Scar which was about a week ago, she looked the same honestly.
I shook my head “Naw I ain’t really notice nothing else about her” I said
“She started wearing bracelets on her left arm” she said
I frowned “Doesn’t she always where bracelets?” I asked
“Yes but ever since Cash gave her the tattoos on her wrists to cover up her scars she only wore bracelets on her right wrist, when I saw her today they were on her left” she said
“That doesn’t mean anything Kira”: I said
“It does when she only cuts on her left arm” she said
I shook my head “Naw Kira, why would she cut? She’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her, she don’t got no reason to” I said
At least I hope she doesn’t have a reason to cut herself, I would hate that we all went the extra mile to make sure she stopped for good just for her to go back on her word and do it anyways.
Kira laughed sarcastically “Happy? She’s really got you fooled huh?” she asked
“What are you talking about Kira?” she stared into my eyes “Why don’t you ask you best friend why his girlfriend is unhappy”
I was sitting in the house alone, something that wasn’t too out of the norm as of lately. I don’t know what Cash’s definition of doing better was but it certainly doesn’t match my definition.
I wanted to snap his neck honestly for leading me on, making think he was going to go back to the Cash that I loved. On our anniversary he fed me nothing but lies and like a dumb ass I ate that shit.
He talked me right out of my panties. Being in a relationship, after you’ve had sex with your boyfriend you shouldn’t have felt like you’ve been played but that’s exactly how I felt when I woke up the next morning and saw he was nowhere in sight.
I wanted to be over with Cash but I couldn’t do that, I don’t even know where to begin to do that and I also wanted to fight for him but I couldn’t do that either because he isn’t giving me a reason why I should fight for this relationship.
I feel like we’re so far gone in this relationship that nothing we’ve built together is the least bit salvageable. And this shouldn’t be the case because we’re supposedly ‘best friends’ that supposed to tell each other everything.
Throughout this whole ordeal, I barely had anybody to talk to, I couldn’t got to Ty because that’s his brother and I didn’t want him to choose between me or Cash, Kira was a definite no no, Mijo was out of the question, I don’t even trust Jewel anymore so she was a no go, my friends from back in the day weren’t any help at all and I wasn’t that close with Camille and Fantasia to have them bitches all up in my business which only left me to go to Cash and Ty’s mamas.
I didn’t want to go to Mama J about her son, that would have just been wrong but she happened to be there when I was talking to Ty’s mama. She told me I shouldn’t allow any man to run mockery on me and had she been in my shoes she would have left because no man was going to feel guilty for a situation she didn’t cause.
“Even though he’s my son I’m not condoning his behavior and if you feel the need to leave to make him better himself than you do exactly that sweetie”
Those were the words she said to me that day; I don’t think I was even capable of leaving Cash. I don’t even own suitcases to pack my stuff up if I choose to leave, nor do I have a car or a place to stay if I do and I refuse to go back to my parents or for help because I didn’t need them for the last four years and I damn sure don’t need them now.
Is it kind of bad that I wish Cash would just tell me it’s over already? Just so he could save us both the trouble of being in this dragged out situation. It’s bad that what used to be a relationship is now a ‘situation’.
This situation even gotten to a point where my bad thoughts came back.
Thoughts of me not being good enough.
Thoughts of losing another person that’s close to my heart.
And lastly, thoughts of me wanting the pain to just disappear… even if it’s just for a little while.
I looked down at the bracelets that hung off my left wrist and I suddenly felt the need to talk to someone so I started patting my body down for my phone only to look across the room and see it sitting on the dresser.
I frowned not only because I had to get out of the bed to retrieve my phone but because I do not remember putting my phone there in the first place.
I sighed heavily before I swung my feet off of the bed and went to go get the phone. I picked it up and looked at it “I don’t remember this scratch being here” I said to myself
This can’t possibly be my phone.
I pressed the home button only confirming my thoughts; this was in fact Cash’s phone which meant he had my phone. I kissed my teeth; if this nigga wasn’t in such a rush to leave the damn house he would have realized he picked up the wrong phone.
I unlocked his phone and went into his call log so I can dial my number and tell him I’d appreciate if he brought my phone back to me but something else caught my eye.
His ex’s name showed up in his call log more than once. And I’m not talking about conversations that last a few minutes; their conversations were long, the shortest being thirty-five and the longest being over three hours.
What could you possible talk to your ex about for three hours? Especially since the last time I seen them together they were cursing each other out.
Just because they talk on the phone doesn’t mean anything, maybe they were just talking about what happened two years ago.
I don’t know what possessed me to exit the call log and go into his messages but when I did I immediately spotted him and his ex’s text to each other. At first it all seemed innocent until I got to the bot off them.
I’m bored, you should totally come over :)
Aight, wait till my girl fall asleep
Fine, hurry up.
That’s all it took for me to drop his phone, I was done. I refuse to be played by anyone again.
“Scar why you over there looking like a lost puppy?’ Mijo asked her
She laughed a little, the first emotion she showed since she walked through the door “I’m fine Mijo” she said
“You sure?” He asked wrapping his arms around her and giving her a hug
“I’m positive” she said
“Alright, if you say so” he said letting her go and frowned “How’d you get here? Cash downstairs?” he asked her
She bit her bottom lip before answering “I walked” she said
“Cash was home?” I asked her
“Yea” she said
Mijo and I both frowned at her before looking at each other, our apartment was less than ten minutes away from their’s so it wasn’t like she had a long walk but it’s the fact her boyfriend was home and has a car that he could have easily driven her here with and then go on ‘bout his business.
She seen the looks we were giving each other and quickly spoke “I wanted to walk to you know clear my head and whatnot” she said softly
Naw, I didn’t believe the bullshit that was coming out of her and from the looks of it neither did Mijo. Something was up with her.
“You and Cash good?” Mijo asked her
“Never better” she said with a big fake smile
He shrugged and looked at me “Well I gotta bounce see you ladies later” Mijo said giving Scar one more hug and placed a kiss on my lips before leaving
Scar gave me a small smile before coming to sit next to me “I can’t believe you’re having a baby Kira” she said
I smiled , I can’t believe I’m having a baby “Neither can I, it feels so weird that in seven months I’m going to be someone’s mom” I said
“A baby is just what you need to calm yo ass down, maybe you’ll learn how to be nice” she joked nudging my shoulders
“Ha ha very funny Scar” I said rolling my eyes playfully “You’re happy it isn’t Michelle huh?” I asked her
She nodded “Mikey almost had a break down when he thought she was pregnant, I’m glad he got this scare he needs to learn how to have safe sex so shit like this won’t happen” she said rolling her eyes
“Says the person who didn’t use protection the first time they had-“
“Ugh, ooh girl don’t you even say it! I’m going to stop telling you things Shakira” she said glaring at me “Plus that’s irrelevant because Cash took care of if it in the morning” she said
I waved her off “It doesn’t matter if Cash ‘took care’ of it or not, had either one of you had forgotten you would have been in the same boat as Ty” I said
Peep my pregnant ass trying to preach.
“But we didn’t, so that’s irrelevant” she said folding her arms across her chest
I see why her and Cash forever going at it, she got an attitude out of this world.
“Alright Scar, whatever you say boo” I said shaking my head “But um, what was wrong with Michelle if she’s not pregnant?” I asked
She laughed lightly “Mikey called me sounding like he won a million dollars and told me she had the stomach flu” she said shaking her head
I shook my head, i can’;t say i expected anything else from him
“So what’s up with you, why’d you come here looking like you did?” I asked her
“And don’t you even think about finishing that lie, tell me the truth” I said before she could finish her lie
“I’m not lying to you Kira, I’m fine everything’s fine” she said flashing me a smile
She must be out of her mind if she thinks I’m going to fall for that fake ass smile, she knows me better than that.
“Scar stop, I know you. I know when you’re happy and when you’re sad, did you forget who I am or something?” I asked “Now tell me what happened between you and Cash” I said
“What makes you think something happened between Cash and me?” she mumbled
“You confirmed it by the way you just answered me, now tell me what’s up you know I hate when there’s something wrong with my favorite couple” I said
She sighed and told me how a couple days ago Cash left her and came back hours after he said would be back then basically disrespected her. Now apparently he’s ignoring her.
My eyebrows meshed together “Naw, he didn’t say that to you…” I said in disbelief
“He did but he apologized and plus it was my fault anyway, I should have left him alone seeing that he wasn’t in the mood” she said
The way she was talking was scaring me “Scar this wasn’t your fault, Cash had no right to say the things he did to you” I said
And if Mijo didn’t tell me to take it easy, I’ll go over there and beat his ass for making Scar blame herself for him snapping on her when she was only worrying about his ass; something a concerned girlfriend should be doing.
“It’s fine Kira, it’s done with and I’m over it” she said
I frowned; she was clearly not over it, what she is doing is excusing his behavior.
Cash was breaking her and because of her love for him she couldn’t even see that “Scar… you can’t-“
“Just leave it alone Kira” she mumbled “You have a baby on the way you shouldn’t be worrying about it not me, I’ll be fine” she said
Three months later
If I told you in the last three months I’ve been completely ignored by my supposed boyfriend, would anyone believe me?
Well it’s the truth. I wouldn’t say he completely ignored me, he said a few words or sentences here and there to me and he’s given me a few kisses on the cheeks and lips every now and then but other than that we’ve had little to no contact with each other.
We barely even sleep in the same bed anymore.
I don’t want to say that the relationship that we took our time to build and watch evolve is completely ruined but it’s about ninety percent there.
I don’t know what I ever did to Cash to deserve this. He told me to open up to him; I did that, he told me to trust him; and I did that too. I don’t know what else he wants from me and I refuse to put in a hundred percent into a relationship with a man who’s barely giving ten.
I had been up for about two hours now, I know it was going on noon; the time that Cash usually gets into bed.
Over the months I would stay in bed later than usually just so I could feel the bed shift and for Cash to pull me close and hold me tight until he fell asleep but none of that ever happened.
But today I stayed in bed for other reasons; I simply didn’t want to face the world today. I should be excited to get out of bed and go do whatever is planned for the day but fuck that.
I took my arm from over my eyes and tapped it against the headboard. My eyes popped open when I heard a tapping sound. I quickly sat up and stared down at my ring finger.
“The fuck is this?” I shrieked as stared down at the ring on my finger
I was ready to snatch it off until I heard his voice.
“No baby don’t take it off” Cash said
I glared at him as I watched him come closer to the bed and stand next to me “Why shouldn’t I?” I asked sizing him up “You think just because it’s our anniversary all you have to do is give me this ring and call me baby everything you did becomes okay?” I snapped
“I know I fucked up Scar damn just chill” he said
“Chill? Why would I ‘chill’ when the same nigga who told me when something happens we should talk to each other then turns around and ignores me for three months? Answer that question and maybe I’ll ‘chill’” I said
“I sorry aight, I don’t know what else to tell you. I know I should have talked to you but I don’t know how to talk about shit like that” he said
“Like what?” I asked
He didn’t answer me which only made me roll my eyes.
“You still can’t even tell me” I said throwing my hands up
“Can we not worry about it right now at least not today” he said “I’m going to tell you, I just don’t want to do it on our anniversary alright?” He asked
I didn’t want to give in to him so quickly but I just wanted my relationship to be back to the way it used to be as quickly as possible.
I sighed and reluctantly nodded my head.
”I promise I’ma do better babe no more bullshit” he said
Go home Cash.
I can’t even begin to explain how many times I repeated that line in my head. The question still remains, why am I still standing here then? I should be on my way home to my current girlfriend not waiting to meet my ex.
In that moment l knew the best thing for me to do was to take my ass back home and pretend like I never came here.
I leaned off the pillar of the restaurant I gazed at sign that read ‘Gina’s’. Moni and I had too many memories here.
I don’t know how I even ended up over here, I made it my business never to turn down this street just so I wouldn’t have to come in contact with this place.
I shook my head and began my walk over to my car only to be stopped when I heard my name being called.
“Cassius!” I heard her voice say from behinds me
Would it be wrong if I just kept on walking and pretended like I didn’t hear her?
I turned around and there she was standing less than 10 feet away from me with a small smile on her face.
As much as I wanted to return it I simply couldn’t.
“You’re lucky I almost left” I said walking towards her
“I see that” she said once I was standing in front of her “So you want to go in” she said nodding towards the entrance of the Gina’s
I sighed lowly “Yea I guess” I said
We walked to the front and I opened the door for her “Thank you” she said
“You’re welcome” I mumbled
The further we walked into the restaurant the more I felt like this was a mistake.
We headed all the way to the back and sat in the booth that we always sat in when we came here.
Once we were all settled in I took a good look at her. She had this turban thing wrapped around her head.
That wasn’t really like her; she usually hates wearing anything that hid her hair.
“How’d you know I’d be here?” I asked her
She smiled at me “This was our favorite spot, you took me here on our first date, and we had all of our anniversaries here. It would be dumb of me not to come here first” she said
I nodded and looked away from her and down at my watch. It was now going on seven. Those two hours I told Scar i would be home in are long gone.
The waiter approached us “Haven’t seen you two here in a while” I looked up and saw Keisha
“Keisha? Oh my gosh I can’t believe you still work here” Moni said
Keisha laughed lightly “I just can’t seem to leave” she said “The usual right?” she asked
Moni and I nodded.
“You actually remembered?” I asked
She looked up once she finished writing on her notepad “I couldn’t forget even if I tried” she said with a little laugh “I’ll be back shortly with you guys’ meal” she said walking away
It got mad quiet between Moni and me.
“I met your girl the other day” she said breaking the silence “She’s a bitch” she said
“Funny, she said the same thing about you” I said
She rolled her eyes “She has nasty ass attitude, she needs to fix that shit” she said
I scoffed “And you don’t?” I asked “You acting like people don’t check you for your ugly ass attitude all the time” I said
That alone had her ass on mute.
“That’s what I thought, don’t talk about my girl when she not here to defend herself” I said
“Whatever Cassius” she mumbled while rolling her eyes
“Let’s cut to the chase Moni, this ain’t no dinner date, you know why we here so get to talking so I can go home to my girl” I said
“Fucking asshole” she mumbled
“Just say what you gotta say and stop being so fucking difficult shit” I said
She kissed her teeth “Fine damn” she mumbled before sighing “I left because I didn’t want to stress you out” she said
“Fuck you me mean, you ain’t want to stress me out? All I did was stress myself out while you were gone” I snapped
“I know I heard but just listen to me” she said
“I’m listening” I said trying to calm my nerves
“I was pregnant when I left” she said
I looked at her through slit eyelids “You left with my kid and waited damn near two years to tell me?” I snapped at her
“No, I didn’t have the baby Cassius I had an abortion-
“Naw I know you ain’t get rid of my kid Moni” I said staring her down “You know damn well I don’t-“
“Cash listen!” she half yelled at me
I knew she meant business once she called me Cash.
“I had no other choice but to abort the baby, I didn’t want to, I had to” she said sounding like she was on the brink of tears
She wasn’t making any sense right now “What you mean you had to? You have control over your body right?” I asked
She rolled her eyes “Two weeks before I left I found out that I was not only pregnant but I had leukemia so no, I didn’t have control over my body. I had to get treatment for my cancer and I couldn’t do it with a kid in my stomach”
It was almost ten when Cash decided to stroll into the house. I don’t understand how ‘I’ll be back in two hours tops’ turns into him walking through the door almost 5 hours later.
I sighed and steadied my iPad on my lap. I looked at him from the corner and watched him kick his shoes off in the corner of the room.
He looked at me momentarily and mumbled a barely audible “sup” before grabbing a pillow off the bed and heading back out the room.
I was left there with a stupid look on my face. Wait, but shouldn’t I be the one that’s mad? Even though I wasn’t because I know how guys were when they go out plus we didn’t make any plans to do anything so I had no reason to be upset.
But now, I was feeling some type of way. What kind of greeting was that? Had I done some shit like that everybody and they mama would have been against my ass.
I place d my iPad to the side, got off our bed and went into the living room.
Cash was stripped down to his basketball shorts and socks. He was laid out on the couch with his arm covering his eyes.
I placed my hands in my hips and tapped my foot lightly.
“What do you want Scar?” he asked harshly
I scrunched up my face and my foot stopped mid-tap “Whoa what did I do to you?” I asked
“You ain’t do nothing” he grumbled
“Then why you came up in here like I did, that’s mad disrespectful” I said
He didn’t answer me; he just laid there like my words meant nothing to him.
I snatched his arm off of his face “I know you…” I stopped mid-sentence when I caught a glimpse of his eyes
They were bloodshot red and filled with rage.
“Get the fuck away from me Scar, go to be bed or some shit just leave me the fuck alone damn” he snapped
* * *
It was 10:30 in the morning, my eyes hurt, my head was pounding and I hated the world and everything in it.
I know I’m known for over exaggerating shit and I may blow things out of proportion at times but this time I generally feel hurt about what Cash said to me last night.
Then this morning he had to the nerve to come into the room and mumble a sorry. It wasn’t even a full apology, all he said was “My bad for last night”.
Like who the fuck does that? Cash does apparently.
I wasn’t expecting some big apology because I already knew apologies weren’t his strong point but I was expecting way better than a lousy “My bad for last night”.
I cried myself to sleep last night, no one’s made me do that in a long time and I never thought in a million years Cash would have been the one to do so.
I hate to have to compare Cash to Quan but last night it was like Quan talking to me and not Cash.
The thing is I’m not even mad at him, I’m more so hurt than I am mad because we can never get anywhere in this relationship. Every time we take two steps forwards it’s like we’re forced to have to take five steps backwards.
Maybe this is all my fault, maybe I should have just left him alone last night and we probably wouldn’t have been in this situation.
I’ll just give him his space until he’s ready to talk to me because I don’t want to make him any angrier that he already is.
“My nigga!” I said messing up Scar’s hair
She slapped my hands away from her head and raked her fingers through hair “I come here to visit yo ugly ass and this is the treatment I get” she said pushing past me and walking into my crib like she pays bills in this muthafucka
“You couldn’t wait till I invited yo ass in?” I asked while closing the door
She scuffed “You woulda thought” she mumbled kicking off her flats and sitting on the couch
I watched as she looked around my living room before her eyes landed on a photo of me and Michelle. A smile formed on her face as she picked it up.
If she only knew what I’m about to tell her I bet she won’t be smiling no more.
“You two are so cute almost as cute as you and N…” she trailed off before she could finish her sentence
“Nina” I said finishing her sentence while looking at her picture that hung right above Scar’s head
“Yea” she said nodding slightly “Do you still think about her?” she asked putting the picture frame back in its place
I walked over to the couch and sat by her, she immediately rested her head on my shoulder “Not since I’ve been with Michelle, you?” I asked
“Barely as much as I used to” she said
I was happy she wasn’t as bad as she used to, I remember when the accident first happened and she used to have nightmares about that night till a point where she was too scared to even fall asleep at nighttime.
“We’re making some type of progress huh kid?” I said nudging her shoulder
She laughed slightly “A little” she said
“So what brings you here on this lovely afternoon?” I asked in a very posh manner
She looked up at me and rolled her eyes playfully “Well your bigheaded brother is asleep and there was nothing to do in the house so I came to visit my bestest friend in the whole wide world” she said smiling brightly up at me
“Seems to me like I’m just your last resort” I said
“You are” she said
She giggled “I kid” she said
I rolled my eyes “How’d you get here anyways?” I asked
“I drove” she said looking at me like I was stupid
“But wait, Cash let you drive his car?” I asked
I know this nigga too well and I just knew he wouldn’t hand his keys over to Scar like that; I don’t care how much he claims to love her ass.
“Not exactly, I asked him while he was sleeping and he waved me off so I took that as a go ahead” she said
I shook my head “Go ahead and get fucked up by this nigga” I said
She waved me off and stretched her body out so that her legs were now across my lap “So what’s good with you nigga? You look stressed” she said
That’s because I am stressed.
“I gotta tell you something but you got to promise not to get mad at me when I do tell you” I said
“Boy ain’t nobody gonna stress themselves over you so just tell me” she said
“No I’m serious promise me” I said sticking out my pinky
She can’t break pinky promises, nobody can break pinky promises.
A smile formed on her face before intertwining our pinkies together “I promise not to get mad” she said before letting my pinky go
“Alright…” I said trailing off “I think I got Michelle pregnant” I said watching as anger took over her face
“Are you dumb!” she yelled at me
“You said you weren’t gonna get mad” I pointed out
“Fuck that Michael, you’re about to have a kid” she said
“I’m not sure if I’m about to have a kid or not Leigh shit” I said
“How’d you figure she’s pregnant then?” she asked
“It started when I was over my mama’s house last week, she was telling Mama J about her dreaming about fish meaning somebody was pregnant, and then they started joking about it being you or Dina. Me being me I was relieved I wasn’t brought up in that conversation. I thought I was in clear until I go over to Michelle’s crib two days later and she’s throwing up like clockwork” I said running my hand over my face “She not keeping food down or nothing” I said
Scar looked at me and shook her head “You were barely with this girl for three months Mikey” she said
“Tell me something I don’t know Leigh” I said
I ain’t even ready to be nobody father, I can barely take care of myself let alone another being.
“All I’m tryna say is how are you going to take care of a kid when yo mama still take care of you?” she asked
That’s what I’m saying!
I shrugged “Maybe Michelle isn’t pregnant, maybe it’s you or Dina” I said
Scar dead ass looked me in my face and started laughing “Sorry boo but Cash and I aren’t as careless as you are and I highly doubt it’s Dina because her and X don’t even fuck with each other like that no more and she’s too hung up over X dropping her ass to fuck other niggas” she said
I was frowning, I know I should have been more careful with Michelle but shit, I’m too young to be a father.
“Hold on dumb brother number two is calling me” Scar said answering her ringing phone
I take offense to being dumb brother number one.
“Bring yo ass home Scar!” Cash’s tired voice rang out through my living room
“You see the shit I got to deal with Mikey?” she mumbled to me
“That’s yo problem” I said
“Why you forever waking up mad?” she asked him
“Man whatever just hurry up and get home” he said and I’m most certain he hung up
Scar huffed “I can’t stand him” she said tossing her phone to the side
I shook my head; I didn’t have time to be dealing with their problems when I have problems of my own.
I was in the bathroom brushing my hair. My next haircut was coming up soon and I was thinking about going back to black. Eh, it depends on how I feel by the end of the month.
Through the mirror I watched as Scar stepped into the bathroom and stood behind me.
“What took you so long to get here?” I asked her
Her small soft hands found their way to my bare chest and slid all the way down to my belt buckle before she laid her head on my back.
She wanted the D, too bad she couldn’t get it… not now at least.
“I asked a question Scar” I said continuing to brush my hair
“And I heard you Cassius” she said smartly
I rolled my eyes, why she forever got an attitude? “Then answer me” I said
She kissed her teeth “You don’t run shit around here, fuck you mean’ hurry up and bring my ass home’?” she grumbled
I put my brush down and reached around to smack her ass “I wanted that ass home” I said making her giggle
“You could have asked nicely” she said
“Naw, I really couldn’t have though” I said
She once again kissed her teeth, the day her shits fall out…
“So what’s up, where you going? I know you didn’t rush me to come home just so you can go out Cash?” she asked
I turned to face her and pecked her on the lips “I actually did” I smiled while leaning my forehead against hers
She pouted “But where are you going?” she asked
That was a good ass question, where was I going?
I shrugged “I don’t know, I just want to get out of the house for a while” I said “I won’t be long though just an hour or two” I assured her by kissing her still pouted lips
She sighed “Okay, but before you go I have something to tell you” Scar said
I’m not feeling the way she said that, “If it’s something bad I don’t even want to hear it” I said standing up straight
“It’s not bad” she said “At least I don’t think it is” she said
Did I really want to know? It can’t be that bad.
“What is it?” I asked
“Remember when I told you I was going to get my nails done yesterday?” she asked me
I nodded signaling her to carry on with her story.
“Well Kira decided to stop at Jewel’s place…” she said
I rolled my eyes at her name “Uh huh” I said
“And…” she said trailing off
“Oh my god Scar can you finish this story today please?” I urged her
She kissed her teeth “long story start, your ex was there and we got into a slight argument” she said biting down on her lip
“Um what?” I asked her not really sure if I heard her right
“You here what I said Cash” she said
I blew out air “How did this argument start?” I asked
“Well she implied that I didn’t have self-control so I rolled my eyes and things were said” she mumbled
I would act surprised but honestly I’m not.
“See if you’d stopped fucking with Jewel mad long ago this shit would have been avoided” I said
“Shut the hell up Cash, I’m getting tired of you saying shit about her” she said
“You wouldn’t have to hear my mouth if you do what I tell you” I said
She rolled her eyes “Your ex, she’s a bitch” she said
Well that’s just Moni period, if you didn’t know her of course your first thought of her was her being a bitch but that really isn’t the case. She’s just honest, she doesn’t like holding things in so whatever comes to her mind she’s most likely going to say it.
I would defend Moni but how would that look?
* * *
I was driving around aimlessly not knowing where I wanted to go. When I first left the house I had every intention to go down to the shop and chill. I probably would have done a few tattoos even though it was my day off but then I realized that was mad work and I was in the mood to put effort into anything.
My next go was to X’s but he’s most likely high and I couldn’t deal with him and his bullshit right now so here I am driving around. I have half of mind to take my ass back home and chill with my baby.
That honestly sounded like the best idea I had all day. I made a U-turn and cruised my way back home. I stopped at the light and looked out my window. Once I did a thousand memories came rushing to my mind and I just couldn’t help but turn into the semi-empty parking lot once the light changed.
Once I found a sparking spot I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my call log. When I found the number I was looking for my finger hovered over it momentarily before I tapped on it.
It rung a couple of times before I heard the voice I wanted to hear. Everything in my body right now was telling me to hang up and find my ass home to Scar but my curiosity overpowered that by a longshot.
“Yes Cassius?” she answered
“Are you serious about this? No games Moni” I said
“I don’t play games” she said
I would check her on that lie but this is neither the time nor place to do so.
“Alright so come meet me then” I said
“Where do you want me to meet you?” she asked
“If you really wanted to talk to me you’ll know where to find me” I said before ending our call
I listened as Cash’s breathing slowed down. He had a vise grip on my waist with his face buried in my neck as he slept.
I sighed and tried to wiggle out of his grasp. His already tight grip on my waist only got tighter.
He was doing the most right now. I lightly grabbed his hand and gently tried to pry it from my body without waking him up.
He kissed his teeth “Man Scar stop playing” he mumbled exhaustion evident in his voice.
“Let me up” I softly said tracing his jawline
I’ve been up for at least an hour now but I couldn’t get up out of bed because as I tried, Cash was just laying down to go to bed and didn’t want me to leave until he fell asleep. Now that he’s asleep he still doesn’t want me to leave.
Cash’s sleeping schedule is ridiculous. He can only fall asleep during two times in the day and that’s between 6am and 5pm or 9pm and midnight, there’s no in between no matter how much he complains about being tired, his eyes will only shut between those times.
“No Scar, you fucking with my sleep just chill” he mumbled pulling me closer so now I was no longer on my back but my side instead
But how am I fucking with his sleep if I’m trying to leave so that he can sleep without my constant movement waking him up every minute? I don’t get this boy sometimes.
“I’m going out in a few hours and I would love to get up and get ready” I said
He grunted like I was the one being difficult instead of him “Where you going?” he asked using his free arm to trace across my back tattoo lightly
It took me a minute to answer due the impact his actions were having on me. He knew whenever he rubbed my back like this I’d be out like a light within seconds but because I was determined to get out of this bed I fought through the urge to close my eyes.
“Kira and me are going to get our nails done” I said
He kissed his teeth “You spend more time with Kira than you do with your own man” he said
Now he knows he was telling a bold face ass lie. I couldn’t spend more time with Cash even if I tried, that’s how much we’re around each other. Plus where’s the quality time in me watching him sleep?
“Cash shut up, I see you twenty-four/seven so don’t even start” I said “Now I’m going out to get my nails done no if’s or but’s about it, comprende?” I asked
“Fine Scar, go” he said removing his arms from around my body
He’s obviously cranky right now and wants to go to sleep so let me hurry up leave his overdramatic ass alone
I rolled my eyes and climbed on top of him. I bent down and pecked his lips several times “I’ll be back later babe before you even wake up, I promise okay?” I said my eyes roaming his face
His eyes slowly opened and I could actually see how exhausted he truly is “Uh huh” he said closing them again
* * *
From the corner of my eyes I noticed Kira momentarily took her eyes off the road to look at me “You alright?” she asked before her attention fell back on the road
“Yea, I’m good” I said “I look like something’s wrong with me?” I asked
“Yeah you kinda do, like you got the world on your shoulders or some shit” she said
I laughed slightly “I’m fine” I said
There actually was something wrong with me and it was because of Cash. He had a sense of anger about him that wasn’t acted on but was seen in his face and the exhaustion on his face this morning raised so many flags.
“Alright Scar whatever you say” she said “Now what took you so long to come downstairs?” she asked
“I was still getting ready, your friend wouldn’t let me get out of bed this morning” I said
She shot me a look “Y’all nasty” she said
“Not even” I said laughing “He was just going to bed and didn’t want me to go anywhere” I said
She rolled her eyes “You’d think he’d start taking those pills that he was prescribed” she said
“What pills?” I asked looking at her weirdly
“The sleeping pills for his DSPD” she said
“For his DS- what?” I asked
She sighed “He never told you huh?” she asked
“No” I said
“Cash was diagnosed with delayed sleep phase disorder when he was eleven but-“
“Wait what?” I said cutting her off
I refuse to believe that Cash been in a relationship with me for over 9 months and he didn’t tell me he has some disorder.
“Don’t get mad, the disorder doesn’t make him crazy or whatnot it just doesn’t allow him to sleep at the time he’s supposed to” she said stopping at a red light and looking at me
“But he still didn’t tell me he had a disorder. Nine months into a relationship and he’s still keeping secrets?” I said rolling my eyes
“Oh but aren’t you keeping a secret too?” she asked me driving off and turning down Jewel’s street
A scowl appeared on my face as I stared her down. I told her that in confidentiality.
“That’s not even a secret” I said crossing my arms
She parked in Jewel’s driveway and pulled the keys out of the ignition before looking at me “But it’s what makes you act the way you do in your relationship and if I’m not mistaken your boyfriend should know stuff like that” she said “Nine Months into a relationship and still keeping secrets?” she mocked me before rolling her eyes and getting out of her car leaving me
How did she flip the situation on me just like that?
I heard voices coming from the living room so I decided to go see who was here.
I walked into the room and saw a read faced Shakira staring down Jewel.
“Alright Kira it was just a misunderstanding, let’s just drop it” Cassius’ girlfriend said as she held Kira’s arm
“No Scar I told this girl you were going to be there yet she brings her cousin, what type of fucked of shit is that?” she asked angrily
Aw all this hostility on my behalf? I feel so honored…
I shook my head lightly; all of them are friends and they shouldn’t be arguing because of me so I decided to speak up before things got even worse.
I cleared my throat catching all of their attentions “Um… hi” I said
Kira gave me a look, I wouldn’t say it was a dirty one but it held a lot of annoyance in it.
“I know I’m everyone’s least favorite person right now and I hate that I’m causing you guys to fight like this” I said
I was mentally patting myself on the back, had this been two years ago I wouldn’t have given two shits if these bitches tore each other’s heads off.
Kira and Jewel looked at me with their eyebrows raised, I know they think this is just and act but who was I tryna front for Cassius’ girl? HA!
“I’m serious, like no bullshit. I should have stayed home that day” I said
I had successfully ignored the fact that I was in the presence of my ex’s girlfriend.
Kira huffed “It’s cool; y’all just can’t be doing dumb shit like that. Even if Cash hadn’t been there Scar was there and not only is it awkward having you two under the same roof” she said pointing at Scar and me “But we wouldn’t want something to pop off” she said
“ Trust me nothing would have happened, I don’t know about her but I know how to control myself” I said
Scar rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.
“Excuse me but is there a reason why you’re rolling your eyes?” I asked her
She kissed her teeth “Why you worrying about it?” Scar asked placing her hands on her hips
“I ain’t say or do shit to you yet you rolling yo eyes at me like I did, if you got a problem say it” I said crossing my arms
“How about you take yo ass wherever the fuck you just came from and stop worrying about what the fuck I be doing” she said
“Moni don’t say anything” Kira warned
Kira knew all too well that I was capable of hurting this little girl’s feelings.
I chuckled lightly “Whatever man, talk to your friend” I said
I wasn’t studying that chick’s little attitude towards me. I had something much more important to put my energy into and it did not involve her.